"I Think I Can, I Think I Can..."

Raise your hand if you remember the story “The Little Engine That Could”.  Come on, don’t be shy.  Raise it like you mean it.  OK, you can put your hand down now.  This is a blog.  I couldn’t actually see it.

Even though I can’t take an actual count of hands, I bet it’s a lot.  Almost everyone remembers “The Little Engine That Could”.  That little engine has to make it up a big hill, and none of the big engines believe in him.  But he believes in himself and gets his – caboose – up the big hill.  And all the kids reading the story learn that they can do anything that they set their minds to.

The problem, though, is that real life gets in the way.  As kids we get teased if we’re different or not as good as the other kids when we’re trying to do something.  So the other kids tease, we start believing them and lose belief in ourselves.  And slowly over time, the Little Engine can’t get up the big hill anymore.  Now, this doesn’t happen with everything.  For some reason, we grab onto one or two (or maybe a few more) things that we’re good at, and our confidence stays high in those areas. But we put enough doubt in our own minds about ourselves, and the phrase “I can’t” becomes a reflex answer to almost any new challenge.

Why on Earth am I talking about “The Little Engine That Could”?  Well, it came to mind the other day during my Weight Watcher meeting.  This week the topic was about believing in yourself. For me it was very timely.  I’ve started to lose confidence in myself a bit.  At Weight Watchers, there is a healthy weight range for each person based on gender, height and age, and you get to pick a goal anywhere in that range.  Once you hit your goal weight, you have to stay within 2 pounds of it to still consider yourself “at goal”.  I hit my goal in May of 2009, and did pretty well hovering in that 2 pound radius.  A few years ago, though, Weight Watchers changed its methods.  It’s got the same overall gist, but they changed how they count points (which they count instead of calories; it’s a lot easier) and they changed our points allowance.  I struggled on this new plan for a while, so I talked to my leader and she allowed me to raise my goal by 2 pounds.  It was all fair and legal.  I was still well within my healthy weight range, just now I could live my life without wrestling every calorie (or point) that entered my body.

Again, I’ve done pretty well hovering in my new +/- 2 pound range, but for the last several months I’ve been dancing on the edge – the upper edge.  I admit that it took me a month to notice and another month or two to care.  About 3 weeks ago, though, I decided to buckle down and get down to the lower end of the range, which was more in line with my original goal weight that I haven’t seen in about 2 two years.  So, I became the self-proclaimed Weight Watcher’s poster child, counting points diligently, measuring out my servings, admitting to every extra bite I’ve taken.  In terms of exercise, I’m training for a freaking marathon.  That should suffice.  And  –  nothing.  I am exactly where I was a month ago, dangling on the edge of my 2 pound buffer.

I weigh in every Friday morning on my way to work.  Each of my last 3 weigh ins has been frustrating.  I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, everything that I know works and has worked for me before.   And the scale hasn’t wavered more than 0.2, and in both directions.  The first week I didn’t mind so much.  The second week I was annoyed, and this week I was dejected.  I had lost faith in myself.  I didn’t know how to lose weight anymore.  I was the Little Engine That Couldn’t. 

My 'BELIEVE' Ring

When I was done with my weigh in, the woman who weighed me in (and has dealt with every single emotion of mine for the last 6 years) handed me their weekly flyer.  I looked down at the cover, and I chuckled.  My annoyance washed away in an instant.  On the cover was a picture of a bracelet with the word “BELIEVE” engraved in it.  The woman who weighed me in asked me what I was laughing at, so I stuck my hand out.  On my right hand I wear a silver ring.  The ring has one word etched into it: “BELIEVE”.

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”  I believed in myself when I was losing weight.  I believed in myself when I hit my goal weight and got the ring as a reminder to myself that I can succeed.  I believe in myself when I train for marathons and triathlons (umm, for the most part).  Yes, I’ve hit a plateau.  But it will all work out.  I just have to keep pushing myself up the hill.