Sunday, March 31, 2013

How Far Can You Get With A Raunchy Sense Of Humor and Varying Levels Of Insanity?


This morning in the New York Times, I read an article about the Barkley Marathon.  It’s an ultramarathon of anywhere from 100 – 130 miles of trails in the eastern mountains of Tennessee, that you have to finish in 60 hours.  The race caps at only 35 people per year.  In its 26 year history, 800 people have run it.  12 have finished.  Not 12 per year.  Ever.  No wonder why it’s been nicknamed “the Race That Eats Its Young.”

No, I am not setting you up to tell you that I just signed up for the Barkley Marathon.  I’m not THAT insane.  I only do things like sign up for 2 half marathons only 4 weeks apart from each other, so I’m only that insane.  And this past weekend, which was the midpoint of the two half marathons, I decided to run a half marathon just for training.  So, OK, I guess I’m actually THat insane.

Let me explain a little more: on April 14th I’m running the MORE/Fitness Women’s Half Marathon.  My co-worker and friend, Stephanie, is also running it.  Not only is Stephanie one of those natural uber-athletes who was a soccer star in her day, but the girl is 14 years younger than me and can run circles around me.  But, Stephanie has been stricken with an ailment that has gotten in the way of her being able to completely follow a training plan; it’s called “motherhood.”  Between work and family, Steph has not been able to train as much as she wanted.  So, a few weeks ago she asked me if I would run the course of the half marathon with her, and that’s how we found ourselves standing in Central Park early on Good Friday, and I was going to be running my second half marathon that was both two weeks before and two weeks after another half marathon.

Normally, I would be excited for this.  But instead I was nervous.  Actually, not nervous.  Concerned.  In my half marathon 2 weeks ago I had sprained my left ankle, and because of it I’d only done three runs of 2 miles each in the past 2 weeks.  It also wasn’t healed yet.  So, as soon as Stephanie and I started our watches, my foot was already sore and I knew I was going to be pounding on it for the next 2 hours or so on a run whose length I hadn’t come close to in over 2 weeks.

Steph and I decided to follow the true course of the race, which is just over 2 loops of Central Park Drive, going counter-clockwise (i.e. the hard way).  It took us a few minutes to figure out a pace that works for both of us, but in almost no time at all we settled into a good rhythm.  Stephanie and I have the same sense of humor, which let’s just say isn’t for young or modest audiences.  We try to tone it down in our office, but in the middle of Central Park on a long run all bets were off.  We cracked jokes and laughed, and the first 3 miles or so just melted away.  My foot hurt, but it was easy to ignore.

The first time we hit the Harlem Hills, Stephanie panicked a bit.  I understood why.  First, the Harlem Hills are what evil looks like if you could landscape it.  The hill is over a half mile long, and keeps curving, so just when you think you’re at the top, you go around a bend and realize there’s still more.  Also, when you can’t train properly, you end up getting inside your own head, which was the direction Stephanie was about to take.  I talked her through the hills as best I could, making some jokes and encouraging her along.  We got to the top, and I could see the sense of accomplishment on her face.  It was awesome.

Near the end of our first loop, my foot was screaming in pain.  Just when it hurt so much that I wondered if it was possible to die from a sprained ankle, Stephanie asked if we could stop and stretch.  I think I said, “Yeah, sure,” but what I was thinking was “Oh, thank you!  You just saved my children from growing up motherless (though I have told my husband, Wil, that when I die he needs to remarry immediately so that the kids don’t end up drowning in their own filth, but I digress).”  Stephanie has a sore IT Band that was nagging her, so while she worked on it, I tried to think of any movement that would cease the throbbing in my foot and ankle short of just cutting them off.  After a few minutes we started up again.

Though the second loop was still fun, it was way more painful than the first.  With each step on my left foot, I think I died a little bit inside.  I wanted to stop, but I knew Stephanie was counting on me. I thought about her, and how she was pushing through her own physical pain, plus she was running a course that wasn’t that familiar with much less training than she would have liked.  She wasn’t quitting, so neither was I.

When we got to the Harlem Hills the second time, I was the one in trouble.  My lack of running more than 6 miles total in the last 2 weeks had been chasing us all morning, and at the base of the hill it finally caught up to me.  I had no more steam left.  Also, at that point my foot hurt so much that I was thinking that perhaps I had cut it off.  There was one specific spot that if I landed right on it hurt more than that day back in high school when I found out that the guy I had a huge crush on didn’t even know I existed, and I landed on it 3 times in a row.  This time, though, Stephanie helped me up the hill.  She just kept encouraging me and giving me advice, like swinging my arms hard to let my core do most of the work.  We made it to the top, and this time I was the one who felt that great sense of accomplishment and at the same time decided that Stephanie was going to be the sole heir in my will.

We had to stop and stretch various body parts a few more times, but eventually we finished the second loop.  We were both elated until I remembered that the second loop only completed 12 miles of the 13.1 mile course.  My stupid GPS watch corroborated that, and I said to Steph, “OK, moment of truth: we can stop here at 12 miles and be done, or we can run the entire thing.”  Stephanie didn’t take long to say, “Let’s finish this.”  I agreed.  I didn’t see any way that another 1.1 miles was going to be any more painful than the first 12, so might as well complete what we had set out to do.

I’ll be honest; that last bit felt like it took longer than either of the 2 full loops.  I looked at my watch and it said we were at 12.50 miles.  What seemed like 10 minutes later, I looked again and we were at 12.51.  Ugh.  Finally, we were at 12.7, 12.8, 12.9.  I yelled out “just .2 left”, then “.1”.  Finally, I threw my arms up and yelled “13.1!  Done!!”  Stephanie smiled, I tried not to collapse.
 
Stephanie and I stretched enough so that the pain was only searing, and then we hobbled back to her car where we had locked up all of our stuff, including our wallets that were going to purchase the largest breakfasts that two petite women could handle.  It was excruciating, but it worked.  Stephanie knew she could run this half marathon, because she just did, and I knew that I could run it only 2 weeks after my last one, with minimal training and a lame ankle.  Hmm, I wonder how to register for that Barkley Marathon…

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