Searching For Suzie Sunshine

I’m running along the East River on the FDR Esplanade.  Usually when I run I pay attention to my breathing, my pace, any swear words that might be emanating from my calf, back, or knee (and wow, that list of broken body parts is getting rather long).  But not today.  Today my run is really more of a quest.  I’m off to find “Suzie Sunshine”.

Nope, Suzie Sunshine is not my new running partner who is way faster than me and I’ve already lost track of.  She’s not a celebrity working out on the Esplanade (and I’ve heard there are some, but my bet is that they’re not out there at 6 in morning).  Suzie Sunshine is me, “Fit Girl.”

Don’t worry, my other personality has not herself split into her own characters.  Let me explain.  I go to my gym every weekday, and being the creature of habit that I am, I use a locker in the same row every single time (I’d love to say I use the same day locker each time because it’s right next to my little rental locker where I keep my toiletries and swim goggles, but we all know that my type A personality had me constantly using locker #70 for a year before I even leased the little rental locker).  And apparently, most early morning gym rats are creatures of habit, because two other women, Mindi and Catherine, are there with me most mornings, using lockers right near mine. 

Mindi, Catherine and I have been changing near each other for over 2 years now.  And, when you get naked in front of the same people day in and day out, you eventually get to talking.  Both would agree that I’m the most energetic and dedicated of the three of us, though that might be due to early morning caffeination combined with what should really be graded as perhaps a type A+ personality.  So, on most mornings I’m moving quickly, and often switching outfits between workouts, such as changing out of my swimsuit an into some bike shorts for spin class.

Lately, though, I’ve been a bit of a downer.  One morning Catherine saw me as I was shedding my top layer of workout clothes (shorts and  a t-shirt) that I wear to do resistance bands to reveal the swimsuit I had on underneath.  She mentioned something about me swimming, and I replied that I’d rather have a root canal than get into the pool.  The next morning Mindi asked me what my workout was going to be.  I said, “I have to run 3 miles then take spin class.”  I apparently answered with the enthusiasm of a person about to visit their proctologist, because Catherine overheard the conversation and said, “Alison, if you don’t mind me saying, your attitude has changed.  You used to be Suzie Sunshine when it came to your workouts.  What happened?”  I thought for a minute and gave an honest answer: “I don’t know.” 

It’s funny.  I really don’t know Catherine well.  I couldn’t even tell you her last name.  But she hit the nail right on the head.  “Suzie Sunshine” seems to have switched gyms, leaving me to face my workouts on my own.  I know I’m feeling overwhelmed by my impending Olympic distance triathlon next week, but it’s more than that.  I’ve been forcing myself to get out of bed instead of jumping out and getting excited over my workout.  I used to eat well because I felt like I deserved to take good care of myself.  I still eat healthy, but now instead of entitlement, all I feel is deprivation.  My workouts are tough, almost impossible.  This is likely why I haven’t been feeling like “Fit Girl” lately; she simply isn’t here.

After Catherine silenced me with her question, she grabbed a towel and headed out for her own workout. I grabbed my iPod and headed outside, to go run 3 miles along the FDR drive.

So, now this is where I find myself.  Running along, looking for Suzie Sunshine.  As I look, I notice the world around me.  A few others are running, a man is sitting on a bench reading a book.  Another man is walking his dog who appears to be a mix of Black Lab and Basset Hound (picture aLab’s body with a Basset’s face and legs), and that just makes me smile.  The sun is already up, and is reflecting off the water of the East River.  I can smell the river a bit, hear the traffic along the FDR.  I think about myself and realize that this run feels great.  My lungs are open, my legs feel good. I can feel my muscles working and they feel strong.  It’s nice.

I hit my turnaround mark and make my way back to the gym. I pick up the pace a bit; I want to make sure I get back in time for spin class.  As I run back, I think about how 70 pounds ago I hated exercise because it was so hard.  Now I think how grateful I am to be healthy and fit enough to do a 3 mile run and a spin class back to back.  I can’t wait to get back to the gym for my spin class, and though I want to enjoy the whole thing, I hope that I finish in enough time to catch Catherine before she leaves the gym; Suzie Sunshine would like to thank her.