Running when it's 38 degrees outside my body and 101 degrees inside it

During my 10 mile run this morning, I had the following conversation with myself:

Me: “Why am I doing this?”
Me: “Because you have to.”
Me (a little whinier this time): “But why do I have to?”
Me: “Because you don’t want to.”

That dialogue I had with myself was spawned by a phrase my husband, Wil, frequently utters: “When you don’t want to do something is when you HAVE to do it.”

I didn’t want to go on my run this morning. For the past week I have been fighting a horrible cold, and I am finally losing. I have a fever, my nose won’t stop running, and my right ear feels so stuffy that I’m half expecting big tufts of cotton to come out of it. Any normal person would allow themselves a day off when they feel this lousy, but the bigger reason why I have to run is simply my training schedule. You’re thinking, “Wow, she’s probably got some big mega endurance race coming up and needs to be diligent about sticking to her training plan.” Now, I do have a couple of small races coming up in the next few weeks, but the reason why I’m running when it’s 38 degrees outside my body and 101 degrees inside it is that I’m training for, well, nothing.

Here’s the story. It’s mid-November. The 2010 triathlon season is dead and gone, and my next half marathon isn’t until March or April. I have to run 2 more short races in the next few weeks to qualify for the 2011 New York City Marathon, but until I complete those I won’t even decide if I even want to do the marathon which is almost an entire year away anyway.

My problem is that this is my dead season, the time of year when I have no lofty goals set for myself. This is the time of year when “Fat Girl” rings my doorbell with a warm tray of brownies in her hand. And unfortunately, this is the time of year when not only do I welcome Fat Girl and her brownies with open arms and mouth, but I let her stay all winter as long as she plies me with homemade lasagnas, chocolate chip cookies and frosted cupcakes.

Recently, Peter K posted a blog about knowing your cycles, explaining that some days in a month you feel like you’re on top of the world, and other days of the month the world feels like it’s on top of you. So, what you need to do is ride the storm of the bad days and take full advantage of the good ones. I agree with everything he said, except for one: my cycles seem to be more seasonal than monthly. For most of the year I am happy to run, bike, swim, eat well, etc. But, as soon as we turn those clocks back, I want to put back on my “fat pants”, eat a rack of barbequed ribs and chase it with a hot fudge ice cream brownie sundae with nuts and sprinkles on top. My desire to eat tons of comfort food, coupled with the fact that I have no big races to train for make working out and staying healthy more difficult that trying to dribble a football.

Fortunately, I know this about myself, and I also know that the only one who can control the outcome of this cycle is me, “Fit Girl”. So, during the “I’m on top of the world” phase of my cycle, I set up a training plan that is barely easier than the one I had while preparing for my last triathlon. I decide that “Fat Girl” is not invited over this fall, and that Fit Girl is going to eat well and do all her workouts as planned, even if she’s got a cold and all she really wants to do is cozy up to a nice big bottle of NyQuil.

In the end, I did my run today. I was a little slower, and a little grumpier. I changed my route up a little, partly to bring some variety to my run, and frankly to avoid the hill that I have nicknamed “That [expletive] hill” (oh, give me a break. I really don’t feel well). But, I did it. I did a seriously long run on a day when I didn’t even want to leave my bed.

My cold will go away in a few days, and I know I’ll enjoy my workouts again. And when I do, they’ll be easy; it’s simple to do something you really love. But I’ll also look back at this weekend with no regrets, knowing I did my workout when I had to, not when I wanted to.