Which is harder: Running 18 Miles or Spending 2 Days With My Ex-Coach?

This week I had to deal with two very stressful, challenging situations.  The easier of the two was an 18 mile run.  The harder one was having to spend two days working with my ex-health coach.

As many of you know, I cut ties with my old health coach after I found out that he betrayed my trust by forwarding a very personal email I sent to him and basically made me a laughing stock with his cronies.  And yes, this really didn’t happen in high school.  An adult actually did that.  Anyway, my ex-coach still contracts with my company, working on our wellness initiatives.  One of them is this amazing wellness summit that we take to our clients throughout the country in the form of a one day kick off summit that leads into a six-week health and wellness program that covers nutrition, exercise, ergonomics, stress, and leadership.  The ex-coach talks about wellness in general, and I do two presentations, one on the group in question’s health care claims and another on really cool food and fitness tips that have worked for me for years and I am happy to share with others who want to succeed.  So, this puts that ex-coach and me in the same room, car and hotel for days at a time. 

This time the summit was in Fairhope, Alabama which is near Mobile, by way of Pensacola, Florida (long story).  I approached the trip with very mixed emotions.  I was absolutely elated to be combining my two favorite things, data and wellness, but I was dreading seeing the ex-coach.  We hadn’t really spoken since I quit working for him, not mentioning the betrayal but just stating it was a conflict of interest since I worked for him and he worked for my company.  In that conversation, rather than him saying, “thanks for all your ideas and work for the last three years,” his response to my notice was, “Well, I just want you to know I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards you.”  Yeah, umm, apparently you do.  Since that was our last conversation I had no clue how these two days were going to go, and since we were going to spend hours in a car together traveling between Pensacola and Mobile (again, long story), I was as apprehensive as a non-swimmer in a leaky canoe.

I flew into Pensacola with my boss who was coming with us to this summit, and we went to meet my ex-coach who was already there.  He greeted us both like old friends, with big hugs all around.  Silly me.  I completely forgot how incredibly fake he is, and how he will do or say anything to look good in front of my boss.  And for two days, that’s just what he did.  When my boss was there, he was my best buddy, calling me “Al”, making jokes, and having fun.  When the boss wasn’t there, he didn’t even look at me.  I could have been on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed.  In a way, it worked out just fine.  No eye contact meant no conversation, and what was there really to say?  I never told him that I know about the email and the betrayal, he’s mad because when I left him I took all my ideas that he had been counting on for years.  Done.

The summit ended up being fine.  The participants liked hearing about my food and fitness tips so much that they asked for a copy of the presentation, most people signed up for our 6 week program, all my planes were on time and I didn’t wreck the rental truck, a Ford Explorer, which I’m pretty sure is bigger than my first Manhattan apartment. 

This morning, less than a day and a half since I returned from Pensacola/Mobile, I woke up before 4 AM to have time to eat and digest before my 18 mile run.  It was already in the high 70s with 87% humidity.  Because it was going to be so hot and I didn’t want to have to steal water from a neighbor’s sprinkler during my run again, I decided to set up this run as 3 different 6 mile loops that returned me back to my house each time so I could change my shirt, eat something and drink a lot of water without having to carry any.

The first 6 mile loop started out fine.  It was my least favorite of the three courses, so I decided to do it first to get it out of the way.  What I hate about it is that miles 3 and 4 are rolling hills, with not one inch of flat ground.  By the end of mile 4, I was completely sweaty and already tired.  I finished the last two miles, and I looked like I had done all 18 miles.  I was a mess.

I had set up a little aid station at the bottom of the steps to my house, so that I: a) wouldn’t have to go back into the house and not want to leave again, and b) so that I wouldn’t have to add the 23 steps to my front door as part of my route.  So, I got to my station, stripped off my shirt, dried off with a towel, and put a dry shirt on.  I ate a Gu, and emptied an entire water bottle.  Then I turned around and set off for loop number two.

Within a ½ mile, I knew I was in trouble.  My shirt was already as soaked as my previous one had been after 6 miles.  I was overheating, my muscles ached.  I kept running, though, trying to push through the pain like I always do.  The problem, though, is that my ex-coach was stuck in my head.  In the past, during a hard run I’d think of a strategy he’d taught me to get through it.  But after the betrayal and his ridiculously fake behavior at the recent health summit, I started to think that everything he’d taught me wasn’t real, and that none of the strategies would work since he was only helping me to look good to my bosses and use me for all of my great business ideas that I gave him (which to my knowledge he still uses.  I can’t blame him; they were pure genius J).  I had to keep stopping and walking, since it was way too hard to run and beat myself up at the same time.  After about a minute of walking, though, I’d realize that this 18 miler was going to take days if I didn’t pick up the pace a bit.  So, I’d run some more until I started getting into my own head again, and the cycle would continue.

Fortunately, this 6 mile loop was my favorite of the 3, so that helped a bit.  This time miles 3 and 4 were two one-mile loops of some very pretty streets with enormous houses that are just nice to look at.  The loops always feel shorter than they truly are, even today when I was as miserable as I was.  So, I got through it.  By mile 5, though, I felt completely dehydrated and actually pretty sick.  How was I going to do an entire other loop?  I decided that I was going to need to go inside my house when I got back this time, and just try to find a way to regroup a bit before I went out again.  So when I got to my stoop this time, I grabbed my Gu and my water and brought them into the house.  I went inside, and my husband, Wil, asked how it was going.  I replied with “I still have to do a whole other loop!”  He smiled the same smile that I fell in love with when we met 17 years ago, looked me right in the eye and said, “Ali, you KNOW you can do this.  You got this.”  Two simple sentences.  Hmm, maybe I’d spent the last few years listening to the wrong coach.

OK, my spirits were better, but my body was still having a hard time.  I stuck my head in the sink and let the cold water from the faucet spill over my head and the back of my neck in an attempt to lower my body temperature a bit.  I ate the Gu AND drank an electrolyte drink, stretched a bit, and went back outside before I could talk myself out of going.  I changed my shirt again, and hobbled off for loop number 3.

I have to admit, this loop started poorly.   My legs were beginning to cramp, my head was still in a bad place.  But, I knew I had to do it, so I tried to think positively.  I decided that there is no question that my ex-coach is a complete ass, but I still worked really hard to be where I am.  The strategies I learned are mostly helpful, regardless of the reason why he taught them to me.  I’ve accomplished a lot in the last few years, and I wasn’t going to let his behavior or personality ruin all I’ve done.

With this new found strength, I charged along through loop number 3.  This one had the two hills that I’ve nicknamed “That [expletive] Hill” and “That Other [expletive] Hill”, which seemed smart to leave for last when I started, but now at mile 15 didn’t seem to be the best idea I had today.  But, I shuffled up them, walked a bit when I got to the top of each, and just kept going.  I got to the turnaround point, ran down the two hills, and continued on my way home.

Three hours and 24 minutes after I started my run, I was approaching my house for the last time.  I stopped my watch, stopped my legs, and talked myself out of throwing up.  As I walked – VERY slowly – up my 23 steps with my empty water bottles and previously discarded shirts under my arm, I told myself that I succeeded twice.  I freed myself from the manipulative behavior of my ex-coach and completed an extremely difficult 18 mile run on one of the hottest and most humid days of the summer.  My mind was clear and my legs were tired.  It was a good morning.