How Ali Got Her Groove Back

I didn’t have a blog last week.  I’d love to say it’s because I was out climbing a mountain on my newest adventure, or I was halfway through an Ironman triathlon and didn’t have time.  In truth, it was for a much more boring reason.  I had a mild case of writer’s block combined with a lack of enthusiasm.

That’s right, I just didn’t have anything exciting to write about.  Yes, I’m still training for this year’s marathon, and I’m still racing 9 NY Road Runner Races in order to qualify for next year’s marathon.  Yup, I’m still in the midst of my 8 races in 9 weeks.  And that’s just it.  I race and train so much now that it’s not even noteworthy anymore. 

I still do all the work, but I’ve completely lost my groove.  Although it’s all still challenging, it’s not exciting.  In fact, getting up at 4 every day, eating well, and running my ass off has become a complete chore.  I know; to most of you, that sounded like a chore years ago.  Well, I only caught up to you just recently.

I knew I had to change my attitude, but I just didn’t know how.  So, I let things work themselves out.  Let me explain.  Like I said, I haven’t been enjoying my workouts. I do them all alone, and they’re long and boring.  Last week, though, I had an opportunity to run with my running buddy, Karen.  We met very early in our sleepy little town and ran 4 miles together.  And it was an absolute blast.  Now, this is a route I do frequently and is nothing to write a blog about.  It’s residential, relatively flat.  If it were ice cream, it would be vanilla.  But Karen and I had a great time.  We talked about the kind of stuff two working moms tend to talk about: our kids, our husbands, our jobs, our marathon training plans.  But, it was so nice to have someone to talk to.  Also, Karen is training for her first triathlon and is so enthusiastic about it that her positive energy is completely infectious.

While I was running with Karen, though, I told her that I thought my hip was out of alignment, and was hurting like hell.  I wasn’t overly concerned, though, because I was seeing my physical therapist later that afternoon and I figured she could just pop it back in.  When I went to my PT’s office, she told me that my hip was so far out that it was almost in on the other side.  She also knew why; my piriformis (i.e. middle butt) muscle was so tight that it was pulling my hip out.  In fact, she said, “Alison, that is the tightest piriformis muscle I have ever seen,” to which I replied by telling her that I was tired of her using superlatives on me all the time (“tightest muscle”, “worst tendinitis”, etc).

My PT gave me some stretches to do and had me roll on a foam roller to try to work it out (and if you want to know what that feels like, take the sharpest object you can find and stab yourself in any large muscle several times.  Yup, that grimace on your face is accurate).  She also told me to skip my next run and let the muscle loosen a bit.  I told her I couldn’t; my next run was going to be my 8 mile long run for the week, since I had to run a 10K race on Sunday and couldn’t do my long run then.  That’s when my PT uttered the nastiest sentence I’ve even heard come out of her mouth: “OK, then do an hour long deep water run on Friday, and on Sunday do your 10K and when you’re done, just add 2 more miles.”  What!?  Was she kidding?  Didn’t she know I was hating my workouts?  And she wanted me to do a deep water run AND add two miles to my 10K?  Ugh.

I left my PT’s office in a rather miserable state.  I have to take workouts I hate and make them longer, and also add on ones I despise?  As I walked back to my own office that day, I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:

                Me: “This isn’t fun any more, is it?”

                Me: “No, it’s not.”

                Me: “Want to quit?”

I didn’t answer myself.  I didn’t know.  I wasn’t enjoying being “Fit Girl” right now, but did I want to go back to life as “Fat Girl”?  Did I want to explain to my kids that it was suddenly OK to eat at McDonald’s (and quick pat on the back for me, my 7 and 4 year old have NEVER eaten there), and did I want to try to remember the stores where I could find Plus Sized Petite clothes?

Two days later, my alarm went off at 4 AM like it always does.  I sighed, rolled over, and started to try to   fall back asleep.  I wasn’t going to the pool to do my deep water run workout.  I quit.

But, something funny happened.  I couldn’t fall back asleep.  My brain didn’t know that my body had quit.  After a few minutes, I sighed again and got up.  Ok, fine.  I’ll go the pool at my gym and do the damned deep water run.  So, I did.  And guess what? I lived.  That’s right.  I haven’t done a deep water run since about April, and it was actually challenging.  I also knew that it was just one rather than 3 months straight of them, so it was completely bearable.  And it kept me on track.

This morning I did that 10K race I had on the docket, the one that I was supposed to extend to an 8 miler once I crossed the finish line.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to do that.  I prepared for it by putting a Gu in my pocket, something I wouldn’t need for just a 10K.  I decided that as the race progressed I would decide what I wanted to do.

Within the first two miles I had my answer.  It was sweltering hot out, about 84 degrees already.  There was absolutely no shade on the course except my own little visor I wore, and I was completely drenched in sweat and dying of thirst.  Nope, there was no way that I could add two miles.  I could barely run these 6 that were laid out in front of me.  “Fat Girl” could sense I was wavering, and she chimed in: “Don’t do it.  In fact, don’t train for the marathon.  It’s too much work.  Come on, I know where we can buy you some great Mu mus you can wear when your clothes stop fitting.”   

At that moment, I decided something.  If I didn’t tack on those two miles, then I was done, quitting forever.  And the problem with quitting forever is that you have to live with that decision forever.  So, I got to the next water stop and took two cups. I drank one, poured the other over my head, and kept going.  I finished my 10K, my 5^th race in 5 weeks.  I got another 2 cups of water, ate the Gu in my pocket, sucked down one of the waters, and dumped the other over my head again.  I walked a bit through the finish line crowd, then started to run again.  At one point I passed another runner who had finished who was heading to his car.  He looked at me and then out at the now empty road in front of me.  “You’re going again?” he asked.  “I have an 8 mile training run today.  I have to finish.” If he thought I was crazy, he masked it with what looked like a genuine smile as he said, “You go, girl.”

I finished the 8 miles and walked back to my car and stretched.  I’m not ready for Plus sized clothes and sleeping in again.  It’s not always fun, but training and eating right is something that I plan to do forever, and I’m not quite at forever yet.